Metrosexuals
The appeal of the polished male is gaining in popularity in Honolulu.
Kawehi Haug
September 17, 2003
Matthew Hilton decorates his ‘Aiea home with wreaths and baskets and matching burgundy and ivory towel sets. He has his hair done every Friday. He never leaves the house without showering, making sure his hair is gelled to perfection, and shining his shoes. His shades always match his outfit and his outfit always matches the occasion. He spends about $100 a month on hair products and sleeps on black satin sheets. He dreams of day spas, pedicures, facials, full body waxes — and beautiful women. He’s an obsessively well-groomed, antimacho-man who’s unafraid to flaunt his feminine side — and he’s as straight as Grace’s Will is gay.
“There’s never been any doubt in my mind about which side of the fence I’m on,” Matt said, fingering his silver necklace and looking as confident about his heterosexuality as any football watching, beer swilling male in America. “I just happen to like girly things.”
Matt, by his own admission, has always liked the frillier things in life, and he just found out recently that he’s not alone. A new breed of male, the metrosexual, is taking over society, and Matt’s about as pure as they come.
“Earlier this year, I read an article on MSNBC.com about metrosexuals and I knew immediately that I was one. I am a textbook metrosexual,” he said with no small amount of pride. “After I read the article I told all my friends.”
And they like his new discovery almost as much as he does.
Michelle, one of Matt’s many female friends, said she’s known all along that he was the “ultimate metro — I knew he was one before he did.”
It’s not that he was in denial about his less than masculine habits — it makes him downright happy to don an apron and spend the day planning cocktail parties and making spinach dip. He just didn’t know what to call himself.
Meet the metrosexual, the latest buzzword for a straight man who embraces his feminine side. More and more straight men are deciding that it’s OK to hang out at the Clinique counter and indulge in a pore minimizing face mask and a tube of cuticle cream. While their homosexual counterparts have known the importance of good grooming for quite some time now, straight men are finally starting to catch up. And that’s the defining aspect of metrosexuals — they’re just gay enough. They’ve embraced all the stereotypical qualities of homosexuality that make them better groomed, well-rounded individuals without changing sides
‘Metrosexual? I don’t know if that’s what I am. If it means that I care about the way I look, then yeah, I guess I am.” Cam Murakami’s careful admission of his appearance-obsessed lifestyle comes off sounding more like an AA introduction than a guy who likes to flaunt what he’s got: a closet full of designer clothes and a medicine cabinet full of moisturizers and hair products.
Over the phone, he describes what he’s wearing. After gushing about his new “steel colored Armani trousers” and matching sweater, Cam chuckles as he realizes that he’s just sauntered right into a trap.
“Okay, you got me. I’ll admit it — I’m a little more high-maintenance than the average guy. But what’s the big deal? I take care of myself — that’s nothing to be ashamed of, right?”
Cam, a flight attendant who visits the spa as often as he can, said it’s all about looking good.
“It’s as much about image as anything else. And I choose to portray an image that reflects my values,” he said. “I want to make a good impression on others and my appearance is the first thing they see.” Cam has his eyebrows plucked, waxed and shaped once a week. He gets a pedicure once a month — and a manicure if he has time. He gets a facial every six weeks “to slough off that airplane air feeling,” and once a year he completely updates his wardrobe, getting rid of the things that are too “last season” to wear.
“I refuse to let myself go and to become that man that our society has said I should be,” Cam said, growing more confident in his metrosexuality as the conversation wore on. “I am not convinced that manliness is limited to sloppy clothes and Monday Night Football. This is not about sexuality, it’s about looking and feeling good. That’s it.”
Matt and Cam have almost nothing in common. Cam’s a flight attendant. Matt’s in the Army. Cam recently discovered his feminine side. Matt’s always known his feminine side. Cam is still unsure of being labeled. Matt’s just happy to have one.
“I’m not really one for labels. I don’t like them,” Matt said. “But I’m relieved that there’s an actual term to describe me instead of just ‘the weird guy who does girly things.’”
But they both agree that they’re as close to perfect as men come.
“I’m really not as high-maintenance as I sound,” Matt sighed. “I just have it all together — I can do everything. I’m the perfect man.”
“Perfect? Oh, I don’t know about that,” said Cam with mock modesty. “Let’s just say I don’t have any problem getting the ladies.”
It must be the pants. Or the Ryan Seacrest hair. Or maybe it’s the soft, exfoliated hands. Whatever it is, it works.
“That whole Rambo, rough-and-tumble thing is so overrated. I’m not looking for a man to roll up his sleeves and chop wood,” said Aloha Jones, who’d never settle for anything less than a metrosexual. “I want someone who knows his way around the shopping mall. Who notices when my outfit is especially hot and who does his hair. I like that.”
The appeal of the polished male is gaining popularity as Americans get a clue about how restrictive the Marlboro Man image is for men. Apart from being fairly unattainable, the sweaty, brawny, manly man dripping with machismo is, to an ever growing number of women, unattractive.
“I take the time to make myself look good,” said Aloha. “Why would I settle for someone who doesn’t do the same for me? Most girls I know would rather have a guy that looks clean and stylin’, than a guy who just threw something on before leaving the house.”
And it’s a good thing they’re in such high demand because they’re everywhere. Honolulu has become a sort of metrosexual haven. A place where a well-groomed fella can sip martinis (“with Grey Goose, please”) at Palomino without having his manhood questioned. A quick jaunt through Ala Moana will turn up countless metrosexuals streaming in and out of Abercrombie & Fitch, the Gap and Banana Republic. They love the Yorkshire pudding at Mariposa and the wine card at Assaggio. They live for Gucci shoes and Diesel jeans and they never question a woman’s need for a 16th pair of black shoes. There is no such thing as too many shoes, there are only poorly chosen ones.
“I’ve put outfits together for my girl friends. We’ve gone shopping and picked stuff out that I thought complimented their bodies,” Matt said with a very Queer Eye for the Straight Guy kind of attitude. “If they need help, I’ll help them. One of the worst things someone can do is dress inappropriately.”
It seems like the metrosexuals are no longer content to sit back and let their unkempt counterparts run things. They’re on a mission to turn heterosexuals into metrosexuals and by the look of things, they’re well on their way.
They’ve managed to snag Shawn Ching, Kalai Miller, local American Idol contestant Jordan Segundo and Hawai‘i’s bachelor Kelly Komoda over to the dapper side. Not to mention just about every male sales rep at Neiman Marcus and Macy’s, the waiters at Bucca di Beppo’s, Gaucho Grill and Sarento’s, and three-quarters of the people standing in line at the Art House at Restaurant Row.
Honolulu’s on the brink of an all-out metrosexual revolution.
“Men in New York City and other big cities around the country have been recognizing the benefits of being well groomed for years,” said Paul Brown, owner of Paul Brown’s Salon and Day Spa. “Now Hawai‘i is starting to catch up.”
Brown kick-started Honolulu’s man-primping trend in 1971 when he hosted a weekly spa night for men. Back then he would have to lure them in with football and scantily clad hairdressers to convince them that looking good wasn’t for sissies. Apparently it worked, because 32 years later the men are still coming back and they’re bringing their friends. Now they walk boldly through the salon doors in search of a facial and a new do instead of a miniskirt and a large-screen television.
“We are certainly noticing more men coming in. About 20 percent of our clientele is male,” Brown said. “We’re talking straight men — not alternative-lifestyle men. Men are getting pedicures. Men are getting waxed. Guys you just wouldn’t believe are getting things done that you wouldn’t believe. Businessmen, politicians and athletes are coming in to get pedicures because their wives tell them to — and they’re comfortable with it, they like it.
“When you think about it, it’s really a hygiene issue and guys should be comfortable with doing things that improve their hygiene and appearance,” said Brown, who admits to an occasional pedicure himself. “Women like guys to be comfortable with the way they look and guys are realizing more and more that the way they look gives them an edge in any area. I think this whole thing started because guys finally realized that if you look better, you’ll get the job.”
Brown said most of the men that frequent his salons do it because, like Cam, they like to make a good impression and like Matt, they just like to be pampered.
Matt imagines a perfect day in the life of a metrosexual.
He’d spend the morning with Christopher Lowell, learning how to decorate a room on a budget. Or he’d watch an episode of While You Were Out or Trading Spaces and get some inspiration for his kitchen — it’s not quite what he’d like it to be. The burner covers with the ivy motif are okay, but he’d like to make some changes — spruce things up a bit.
He’d go to a day spa and get that full body wax he’s always wanted — shaving his entire body gets tiresome and waxing is supposed to eliminate razor burn (which he doesn’t get too often anymore since he started using Nair). He’d get a facial. His skin is not as smooth as he’d like it to be, but he knows there’s not much he can do for that. “It’s genetic,” he explained, looking crestfallen and a little self-conscious. He’d get a pedicure. He’d like to get a manicure, but he bites his nails, so he doesn’t see the point. He’d get rubbed down with fragrant oils and bathe with scented water. He’d dress in a designer suit, slide on a pair of matching shades and meet friends for an early dinner at Aaron’s. He’d make it home in time to watch Sex in the City. He never misses an episode. Then he’d meet a girl and be her perfect man.
Kawehi Haug, a former intern with Honolulu Weekly, is editor of Kapi‘o, Kapi‘olani Community College’s student newspaper.
