Best of Honolulu 1999
Alex Achimore, Chad Blair, Laurie V. Carlson, Garner Chamberlin, Donna L. Ching, Stu Dawrs, Bob Green, Jess Kilby, Curt Sanburn, Ric Valdez, John Wythe White

August 18, 1999

Will the last smart person to flee the ‘äina please unplug the rice cooker? An informal search of the Hawai‘i State Library’s newspaper index using the phrase "Brain Drain" recently turned up more than a dozen stories printed locally in the last two years – eight of them appearing in a one-month period between March and April of 1999. Stories like "Expatriates See Hawai‘i’s Big Picture" (Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 4/3/99) and "Brain Drain Has Many Casualties" (HSB, 4/16/99). Type in the word "exodus" and the number of stories increases exponentially.
     We call bull.
     Oh, no one is going to argue that Hawai‘i’s economy is strong right now. However, one can argue that perhaps what we need isn’t so much a change in our economic outlook as it is a change in our general outlook. Perhaps its time we started to see that periods like the heyday of King Sugar, the flood of money that came with the construction boom beginning just before statehood or, later, the "Japanese Bubble" of the 1980s, were anomalies.
     Ignoring any and all arguments pro and con about Hawai‘i’s legal status as part of the United States, one at least has to admit that, geographically and culturally, these islands simply aren’t a part of the continental United States. And we buy into the American Dream at our own expense: Sustainable growth on an island is an oxymoron.
     All of which might strike you as a bitter introduction to a "Best of Honolulu" issue – but listen: Is what you read about the Brain Drain true? Is Hawai‘i so politically, socially and economically backwards that only the brain-dead, the thoroughly corrupt or the hopelessly romantic could possibly find a reason to stay?
     Within these pages, we’ve got the pudding to prove otherwise. Because our annual "Best of" issue isn’t merely about telling you who you think makes the best beer or the worst political gaffes. Its a type of Rorschach test. And while everyone may read the inkblot differently, we like to think that part of the purpose of this exercise is not only to celebrate a place that we all love deeply – a place that we’re willing to sacrifice a bit of "creature comfort" for – but also to point a way for our future.
     Take the answer to just one question in this year’s poll as an example of what it’s all about. Given the myriad possibilities as to what could be done to make Honolulu a better place, what did the majority of you wish for? More bike paths. In other words: Move down the chain a little. Simplify.
     Study our "Best of" closely, because the answers to more than one sort of question are to be found within. Why do we stay? It’s a no-brainer, friends: because we love the land we’re blessed to live on.
     And that’s no bull.

Readers’ Picks
      
     Civic Affairs
      
     BEST EXCUSE FOR THE BEHAVIOR OF GERALD JERVIS
     Abuse of Viagra
     DUMBEST REMARK BY A PUBLIC SERVANT
     Governor Ben Cayetano: "There’s a surplus."
     WORST STATE LEGISLATOR
     Marshall Ige
     BEST CITY COUNCIL MEMBER
     Duke Bainum
     BEST ENVIRONMENTALIST WHO HAPPENS TO BE AN ELECTED OFFICIAL
     Steve Holmes
     BEST NEXT JOB FOR HENRY PETERS AND DICKIE WONG
     Prison inmates, making license plates
     BEST ACCOMPLISHMENT OF MAYOR HARRIS
     None
     WORST ACCOMPLISHMENT OF MAYOR HARRIS
     Getting elected mayor
      
     The Jervis Affair! In the epic drama that was the former-Bishop-Estate-trustees-versus-the-rest-of-the-world, the lurid climax was Trustee Jervis’ madcap tryst with his co-worker/lover Rene Kitaoka in a hotel washroom and its fatal aftermath. Hawai‘i’s biggest power struggle essentially resolved itself in the wake of something as innocuous – and headline-grabbing – as nabbed-in-the-act sex between consenting adults.
     In our wacky world, exposed sex ignites political furies and social embarrassments so painful that suicide can seem like the only out. So suicide it was for the pair of lovers: one successful, one bungled. Is anyone writing an opera?
     Sordid and sad, and more than any of us ever really wanted to know, the truly tragic Jervis/Kitaoka melodrama was the last straw for the whole pack of trustees. Abused power, greed, malfeasance and mismanagement may be cause for concern and careful inquiry, but exposed intercourse will harden prosecutors and stiffen news editors faster than you can say "kneepads."
     Luridly, we kicked off the Civic Affairs section of the Readers’ Poll by asking for the best excuse for Gerard Jervis’ behavior. In retrospect, the question is prudish, like most press treatment of the story was. As if Jervis or anyone is in any sense actually required to explain a harmless sex act. OK, so it occurred in a hotel bathroom. Oooooh! Racy! But the responses reflect a more-or-less sensible, nondumb, noncrude, sympathetic bunch of readers. Most of you simply said it was sex or horniness or testosterone or affection or love or "being human" that led Jervis and Kitaoka to do what they did.
     A number of trendy comics punchlined Viagra. Several thought Jervis was a dumbshit. "It’s a guy thing," said one respondent. "It felt good," said another, knowingly.
     Rumor has it Jervis is planning to exile himself from Hawai‘i soon and forever. Mr. Jervis, please don’t abandon your home on our account. No need. Too much huhü and sadness already. We try to comprehend the terrible pain and embarrassment you’ve been through. To understand it, at least. We’re all, after all, only human.
     Dumbest remarks by a public servant: It was Gov. Cayetano’s insistence during his reelection campaign that "there’s a [state] surplus." In good conscience, we can’t really refute Ben’s declaration, because nobody can find the checkbook, much less balance it. Cayetano was also running a tight race for reelection when he made the surplus remark. Just a few weeks ago, Uncle Ben finally told the truth about the state’s finances: There’s no money, and we’ve got to reduce spending, cut programs and discontinue jobs.
     The ever-unpopular councilman from Pearl City (sure he is!) Mufi Hannemann is remembered by several readers for his fussy, school-marmish tut-tutting of the mayor: "Dot your eyes and cross your tees," he reminded Harris. The niggling trope explains why his political career over the past two decades has been so underwhelming and corporate, so presumptuous and so lacking in vision. He’s all bullying ego, full of bromides – no ideas, no interest in inventing a great city. There is little that’s worse than a Mormon without humility.
     Then, of course, there’s the ominous remark (our favorite) that more than any other utterance in the last few years reveals the insularity, the arrogance and the possibly fatal complacence of Hawai‘i’s ruling class: It’s November 1998. Republican Maui Mayor Linda Lingle comes within 5,000 voters of throwing the Democrats out of Washington Place for the first time in 37 years. A few days later, prominent Democrat Walter Heen (possibly Norman Mizuguchi; possibly Joe Souki; possibly all three – we just can’t recall) claims that "no message has been sent by voters."
     That’s like the Titanic’s Captain Smith saying it’s only an iceberg.
     Worst state legislator: State Senator Marshall Ige (Käne‘ohe, Kailua) was the overwhelming winner for worst state legislator. Ige, of course, voted against Margery Bronster, the former attorney general who was investigating Ige on charges of mismanaging campaign finances.
     Ige, who has in the past worked for the Bishop Estate, didn’t think it necessary to recuse himself from Bronster’s reconfirmation vote, nor did another Friend of KSBE, Whitney Anderson. Imagine Bill Clinton voting on whether to keep Ken Starr as Independent Counsel. (Even with Bronster gone, Ige’s case continues before a grand jury.)
     Best city councilman: Duke Bainum, the affable, earnest City Councilman from District IV (Kähala, Waikïkï, Kaimukï) was voted best for 1999. Now, if only he could actually do something good for Waikïkï ... like maybe getting rid of both the prostitutes and the police, whose endless cat-and-mouse games make Kaläkaua and Kühiö avenues look like sleazy war zones most nights. Legalize it and tax the hell out of it if there’s such a demand for prostitution, fer crissake!
     Meanwhile, those jarring blue lights flashing all over the place (storm-trooper police flocking to every traffic-ticket stop, every little misdemeanor) make Waikïkï feel dangerous and crime-ridden when it’s not. The blatant police presence in Waikïkï is the exact opposite of "good lighting," what a resort town should want for its night-time mood. We are certain that our visitors notice such things. We know we do.
     Bainum’s biggest challenge is to balance the interests of Waikïkï’s cranky, aging residents with the needs of the resort district’s moribund hotel/entertainment industry. The resident-enforced "iron curtain" that prohibits almost all commercial activity mauka of Kühiö Avenue must come down if Waikïkï is to breath and prosper.
     Best new jobs for Henry Peters and Dickie Wong: (In ranking order): Prisoners making license plates, janitors at Kamehameha School, garbage men, OCCC guards, counter boys at McDonald’s, "retirement," legislators, realtors. And this one: "Scraping barnacles off Vietnamese fishing boats."
     Best and worst accomplishments of Mayor Harris: A whole bunch of readers were snarly and double-barreled (kind of like our own lovable cartoonist, Pritchett) about our mayor when we asked for his best and worst accomplishments. "None," said a winning number of readers when we asked for Jeremy Harris’ best accomplishment. "Getting elected mayor," said a winning number of readers when we asked for his worst.

Readers’ Picks

     Media
      
     BEST HAWAI'I NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST
     Robert M. Rees
     WORST HAWAI'I NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST
     Esme Infante
     BEST POLITICAL PUNDIT
     Robert M. Rees
     BEST LOCAL TV COMMERICIAL
     Zippy’s
     WORST LOCAL TV COMMERCIAL
     Bank of Hawai‘i
     MOST ANNOYING PR CAMPAIGN
     Save Traditional Marriage
     BEST TV ANCHOR
     Joe Moore
      
     Best Hawai‘i newspaper columnist: You picked the Weekly’s award-winning Robert M. Rees for this category. From investigative journalism on trouble at Hälawa prison and the state’s troubles in implementing the Felix consent decree, to refreshingly different perspectives on the Bishop Estate fiasco, Rees is our man. And who can forget Bob’s amusing portraits of the ineptitude of City Hall, the state Legislature or "our wayward press"? Whether they like him or not, everyone reads Bob Rees.
     Quite a few read Honolulu Star-Bulletin comedian Charles Memminger, too (he came in second), as well as The Honolulu Advertiser’s Esme Infante, who finished third. The Advertiser’s Mike Leidemann, whom we like for his sensible, beer-drinking guy’s point of view, pulled some votes, too.
     Worst Hawai‘i newspaper columnist: It’s a funny world. Just as we finish telling you who people like, we gotta tell you who they don’t like. And guess what: "They’re the SAME DAMN PEOPLE! Esme Infante edged out, in descending order (or is that ascending order?), the Star-Bulletin’s Diane Chang, Rees, Memminger and the rest of the columnist crew, as well as the Advertiser’s Ferd "UH Sports Teams Suck" Lewis, and the Star-Bull’s Dave "I’m Irish" Donnelly and David "My Shar-pei Loves Me" Shapiro.
     Looks like readers are growing tired of what’s out there. Consider this answer: "List too long."
     Best political pundit: No surprise, it’s repeat time ... again. Bob Rees finished way ahead of the pack; Dan Boylan was a distant second. Last year’s pick as "Best Radio Personality," Rick Hamada, also earned some votes, and so did a few politicians: Republican state Senator Sam Slom and Republican Party Chair Linda Lingle.
     Best local TV commercial: Us locals just can’t seem to get enough of this local fast-food chain: Zippy’s "Next Stop Series" was the clear winner for favorite TV spot. Produced by Rich Peck of Pretty Good Advertising, the ads are "activity oriented," a Zippy’s spokesperson explained to the Weekly.
     "Everybody is active in the commercial – playing sports and so forth, even senior citizens. Then they get hungry, and so the next stop is Zippy’s. It’s been a successful ad, with a lot of people coming in and telling us."
     Just before they fill their stomachs with fried Spam. ...
     Worst local TV commercial: For whatever reason, our readers dissed Bank of Hawai‘i’s "Changing the Way Hawai‘i Banks" commercials. So we called Bankoh to get the "what’s up?" They said this:
     "Recent ad-tracking research shows that Bank of Hawai‘i television ads rate above the mean on these statements: A) ads are believable; B) ads are clear and easy to understand; C) ads are interesting; and D) I like the ads. Bankoh rates above its closest competitor on all of these statements, according to the survey results."
     Well, we certainly can’t argue with "ad-tracking research," can you?
     Most annoying PR campaign: Which advertisement do you think it was that so upset viewers – the two grooms on the wedding cake? Children reading about two daddies? The spot that suggested people would be able to marry their pets if same-sex marriage were allowed?
     All of them belonged to Save Traditional Marriage, the local conservative religious group that orchestrated voter opposition to same-sex marriage. STM left viewers cold with their scare-mongering TV, print and radio spots. Of course, STM also won in the end, with voters choosing by a two-thirds majority to legally discriminate against gays.
     Two other PR spots closely followed STM in eliciting voter disgust: Henry Peters’ pro-Bishop Estate commercials, which radio listeners of Hawaiian music could not avoid ("The Bishop Estate has endured controversy before," Peters deeply intoned, sounding like the Darth Vader the Honolulu Star-Bulletin has suggested he is, "and we will again.") The idea was to counter the daily newspapers’ media barrage, but Peter’s ads fell flat.
     Best TV anchor: There’s just something about Joe Moore. KHON TV 2’s anchor extraordinaire, who’s also a playwright and actor – you can still catch him playing a professional boxer on a Hawaii Five-0 rerun, too – once again sweeps our readers’ picks.
     Local viewers were worried when Joe talked about quitting after NBC and FOX switched local affiliates a few years back. Instead of following NBC’s prime-time lineup of quality programs like ER, Moore found himself forced to make wisecracks about World’s Scariest Police Chases and When Animals Go Bad. (For the record, Moore has said that he likes The X-Files, but that’s on Sunday nights, not Monday through Friday.)
     But Moore stayed, and viewers stayed with him. Moore received nearly three times the votes of KHNL NBC Hawai‘i News 8’s Dan Cooke, whose station continues to lag in the ratings. Things didn’t help when KHNL unceremoniously pushed Lee Cataluna out the door recently, presumably blaming her for the station’s decline.
     Viewers still remember playwright Cataluna, though, if not her name: "The funny Portagee girl they dumped," wrote one reader. Indeed, Cataluna scored more votes than KHNL’s Kirk Matthews and Leslie Wilcox and KITV-4’s Pamela Young and Howard Dashevsky (or "Channel 4 people," as one voter wrote). See our Editors’ Picks section, which follows, for more on her current whereabouts.

Readers’ Picks
      
     City Life
      
     BEST JOKE ABOUT HAWAI'I
     Ben Cayetano
     BEST PLACE TO CRUELLY MISDIRECT TOURISTS
     Wai‘anae
     BEST PLACE TO SPEND MONEY AND HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO SHOW FOR IT
     Las Vegas
     BEST NEIGHBORHOOD FOR GARAGE SALES
     Ka-hala
     BEST FREE ENTERTAINMENT
     Zoo concerts
     BEST PUBLIC GATHERING PLACE
     Ala Moana Beach Park
     BEST ROUTE TO AVOID DURING RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC
     H-1 Freeway
     WORST NEIGHBORHOOD TO LIVE IN
     Kalihi
     BEST REMEDY FOR THE SUV PLAGUE
     BMW
     BEST DEPARTMENT AT UH-MANOA
     Art
     BEST SINGLE THING TO IMPROVE HONOLULU
     Bike lanes and paths
     MOST UNDERRATED NEIGHBORHOOD
     Kaimuki-; Kalihi
      
Best joke about Hawai‘i: There’s at least one person who isn’t laughing: Ben Cayetano. That’s right, our governor is considered to be a "joke" by readers.
     Though Cayetano, the first Filipino American elected governor – twice, too – has never, ever lost a political race, from his days in the state House and Senate through his years as lieutenant governor under John Waihee, he barely won reelection in 1998, and he couldn’t have done it without massive union support.
     But why is Ben a "joke"? Our guess is that a disproportionate number of these readers’ ballots came from the UH-Mänoa area – you know, disgruntled haole professor types. After all, one of the first things Uncle Ben did upon becoming governor was to tell the UH to cut their budget big time. That has not sat well with the University of Hawai‘i Professional Assembly, which endorsed Cayetano in ’94, but went with Linda Lingle four years later.
     As you know, Cayetano recently launched yet another round of budget cuts. That’s a joke no one finds funny. And he’s still at odds with UHPA over the payroll-lag issue
     Other "humorous" lines that readers mailed to us: "We live in grass shacks," Bishop Estate, the state Legislature, the Convention Center, the Democratic Party, aloha spirit ... and the activist Trask sisters (Haunani and Mililani). Are you laughing yet?
     Try wait: "How do they answer the phone in Hawai‘i? Hälau," "I can move there and make money," "cost of living," "tourism will improve economy" and "Why won’t the Japanese ever bomb Hawai‘i again? Because we sold them 75 percent of it."
     Best place to cruelly misdirect tourists: Let’s hope the Hawai‘i Tourism Authority is paying close attention, ’cause the answer’s Wai‘anae, cuz. This may be more a comment on the sad state of our tourist infrastructure than on the place itself. From a tourist’s perspective, Wai‘anae especially has it all: beautiful beaches like Mäkaha and Mäkua, where you can surf or swim with dolphins; undeveloped valleys full of historical sites; a population base that reflects the indigenous culture more strongly than most places in the Islands.
     As we have reported in these pages before, folks out Wai‘anae way are very serious about lifting their public profile above unfortunate racist, classist stereotypes. True, drug problems and poverty could make some of the tourist interactions problematic – and be sure to drive carefully on wreck-prone Farrington Highway. But, if we had an appropriate tourist infrastructure, one that provided a light-handed access to the real culture and environment of Wai‘anae, many of its economic problems could disappear.
     We certainly concur that it is cruel to lure tourists to Hawai‘i and then set them up in Waikïkï, the runner-up answer – blocks and blocks of the same limited experience, none of it Hawaiian, as our readers wisely pointed out. Ditto for the Polynesian Cultural Center – our own zoo for indigenous peoples.
     Best place to spend money and have nothing left to show for it: It’s a no-brainer, kids: The winner is Las Vegas. We just can’t seem to get enough of cheap buffets, Wayne Newton and endless dessert (um, desert). What we can’t figure out, though, is why so many locals want to move permanently to Sin City – except maybe because of the strong economy there, as well as inexpensive housing, milk, food and lots o’ jobs, jobs, jobs.
     Best neighborhood for garage sales: One can perhaps best explain the winners in this category by looking at the socio-economic status of these neighborhoods. Kähala, among the top three wealthiest areas in all of O‘ahu, came in first place, followed by Hawai‘i Kai, another well-to-do ’hood.
     That just makes sense, says professional garage-sale scavenger Edward Miyata, because, when folks who live in these neighborhoods move, they often unload expensive goods at dirt-cheap prices. Miyata relates how he scored two framed drawings, circa 1820, by famed British illustrator George Cruikshank from a University Avenue-area home for only a few bucks. The signed illustrations could fetch thousands.
     "If you are patient, you can get just about anything at a garage sale," says Miyata-san. Just a few weeks ago, he bought five sets of brand new golf clubs for $20 a set, a full Sony stereo set (with speakers) for $40 and a chess set for $2.
     Best free entertainment: This one is no surprise, because Concerts at the Honolulu Zoo are indeed free (well, almost – the Zoological Society is asking for a $1 donation these days) and entertaining. Started a few years back, the summer concert series – on Wednesdays, beginning at 5:30 p.m. – has featured local stars like Amy Gilliom and Willy K. Families spread their blankets on the grass, and kids are safe to wander freely around the premises (watch out for the monkey cage, though).
     The troubled Kodak Hula Show, which may or may not continue, came in second, followed by Waikïkï (we’ll leave the entertainment aspect to your imaginations) and "hearing Andy Mirikitani blast sex clubs after living in sin for so many years."
     Best public gathering place: Ala Moana Beach Park: All right, we’re urban chauvinists, and so we bemoan the fact that no urban setting made the top of this list. While our beach parks are great spots to gather, Honolulu is certainly lacking in places like Rockefeller Center in New York, or Pioneer Square in Portland, which really help define city life in those locations, despite having their own great parks as well.
     Ala Moana Center and Aloha Tower, private places masquerading as public, outranked Tamarind Park, arguably our best urban gathering place, but perhaps enjoyed by a too-limited crowd. We seem to get out of our cars at the beach or the mall, but not much in between.
     Best route to avoid during rush hour: A recent national study concluded that Hawai‘i, as compared to other comparably sized metropolitan areas, actually has a pretty good traffic flow. Just goes to show that just because it could be worse doesn’t make it better. We’re not Los Angeles, but, as with the downtown area and the Hälawa interchange, sometimes we look like it.
     Our readers wisely chose H-1 Freeway as by far the worst place to be in the a.m. and pau hana time. The main reason? There’s just too many damn cars, so don’t blame the state Department of Transportation.
     Worst neighborhood to live in: There’s certainly some ambivalence amongst our readers, who also voted Kalihi in a tie for the most underrated neighborhood. We would concur with the latter. How can any neighborhood with such a rich fabric of community resources, such as Kaumakapili Church, Tamashiro Market and Liliha Bakery, to name a few, be the "worst"?
     Well, most of us on the editorial board don’t live in Kalihi, and the building stock certainly needs rejuvenation, but we nevertheless see Kalihi as a thriving wellspring of our urban island culture. Our vote for worst neighborhood would probably be one of those newer, dead suburbs, where every trip is by car, and street life is an oxymoron. Other readers’ picks, like Mililani and the Salt Lake high rises, seem to follow this criteria.
     Best remedy for the SUV plague: Buy a BMW. Well, not all of us can afford a Bavarian Motor Works car, of course, but we sense the public turning against these gas-guzzlers – even as they keep buying them at record rates.
     Short of buying a Beamer, readers suggested other solutions to the SUV plague: tax them, increase gas prices, outlaw them, set pollution standards, raise their insurance, VW Bugs, bicycle, take the bus and Humvees. More options: Aspirin, "fuck you, there is no plague," "require them to use square wheels," none, "blow ’em up," Molotov cocktails, sports cars, "make them affordable for everyone," "make more speed bumps," "parking stalls too damn small," "give me a break, Commies," "remind people that there is no four-wheel drive in Hawai‘i" and "ad campaign making them uncool."
     Best department at UH-Mänoa: Well, we knew it probably wasn’t going to be the endangered School of Public Health, but the UH Art Department was a pleasant surprise. How did the Art Department pull away from the pack?
     "Primarily it comes from the interaction of the faculty and the students," speculates Frank Beaver, associate chair for Art. "Because we are so intently involved making art all day, because we have small classes, usually with only 18 students, we get to know each other."
     Physical space may have something to do with making the Art Department popular as well.
     "The building is self-contained; we’re not spread out all over campus," Beaver adds. "There’s a lot of interior courtyards, which invite students to come back. We have little communities, and that gives the students a feeling that they really belong." The department is also one of only a handful of schools in the country that offer a degree in glass art.
     Best single thing to improve Honolulu: Given all the possible options for improving Ho-town, we have to say that we’re glad to hear that Weekly readers hit upon a solution that’s near and dear to our own hearts: Death to the gasholes! Add more bike lanes and paths, say the masses yearning to be pollution-free.
     The lack of safe passage has long been a well-founded concern among O‘ahu’s biking community, but it looks as if the wheels of change are slowly turning. The much-maligned-in-these-pages bridge connection for the Kailua bike path was completed this year, as was an extension of the Pearl Harbor bike path out to Waipahu Street. (A further extension of that path, out to West Loch, is now in the hands of the state.)
     City Bicycle Coordinator Chris Sayers says there are currently close to a dozen bikeway projects listed in this year’s (fiscal 2000) city budget. Most are still in the planning stages, and most are "priority one" projects as outlined by community visioning groups and the city’s recently completed Bicycle Master Plan. As Sayers noted, priority one projects fall into three categories: 1) the "Lei of Parks" system of recreational bicycle paths; 2) bikeways designed to create greater college access through "connectivity" (among these are connections to the Leeward Community College bike path and assorted projects around Mänoa); and 3) the establishment of an east-west corridor from Kähala to Pearl City (this last obviously being a major boon to bicycle commuters).
     How long before it’s reasonably safe to hit the streets (in a manner of speaking)? "Within five years, we’re going to try to get through the majority of priority one projects," said Sayers.
     In the meantime, the city deserves kudos for the next best thing: Every bus in the system now features a bicycle rack. Sayers noted that the system is now recording nearly 20,000 "loadings" per month … that ranks Honolulu near the top in the United States. Ride on!
     Most underrated neighborhood: Kalihi and Kaimukï tie here. Instead of another boring run-up of Mänoa as everyone’s fantasy – hey, Mänoa’s great, but it’s also pretty sleepy (average age still about 71) and has a lot of tacky development marring its wonderful setting – we decided to try the "most underrated" category. As suspected, this did flush out more interesting neighborhoods: Kaimukï, where a restaurant renaissance is underway, and Kalihi, butt of many jokes, but ground zero for much of our community heritage and leadership.

Readers’ Picks
      
     Arts
      
     BEST LIVING LOCAL AUTHOR
     Lois-Ann Yamanaka
     BEST THEATER PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR OR ACTRESS DURING THE PAST YEAR
     Andrew Sakaguchi, Pageant
     BEST MUSEUM SHOW DURING THE PAST YEAR
     Playthings: Antique Toys from the Rick Ralston Collection,
     Honolulu Academy of Arts
     BEST KUMU HULA
     Chinky Mahoe; Sonny Ching
     BEST LOCAL FILMAKER
     Edgy Lee
     BEST SLACK-KEY GUITAR MASTER
     Ledward Ka‘apana
     BEST CONCERT DURING THE PAST YEAR
     Celine Dion
     BEST POET
     W.S. Merwin

Best living local author: Fame is a game of polar opposites: They’re either going to love you or hate you. No one better illustrates this age-old maxim (which we just made up) than Lois-Ann Yamanaka. Of late, the award-winning author and poet has alternately been held up as the new voice of Hawai‘i and vilified as a racist. One thing’s for sure – love her or not, Lois-Ann is at present Hawai‘i’s most visible writer of fiction … and your votes hereby endorse her work.
     On the same shelf, according to the voting, are many of the usual suspects in "local" letters: historical novelist O.A. Bushnell, poet W.S. Merwin, essayist Paul Theroux, novelist-cum-playwright Milton Murayama (whose adaptation of his own seminal island novel All I Asking For Is My Body premiered last May on Kumu Kahua’s stage), Gavin Daws, ghoul guy Glenn Grant and assorted Weekly staffers and freelancers. (Thanks, moms!)
     Best theater performance by an actor or actress during the past year: Getting pumped took on a new meaning last September, when buffed-up Andrew Sakaguchi high-heeled it onto Mänoa Valley Theatre’s stage as Miss Texas in Pageant. While he may not have taken home the title of Miss Glamouresse in that cross-dressing parade of hairy-chested beauty, he did well enough in the talent portion of the evening to win your respect in the "Best theater performance" category.
     It’s recognition well deserved. Not long before his Pageant turn (in which he actually served triple duty as director, choreographer and contestant), Sakaguchi was a member of the U.S. national tour of The King and I. And, lest we forget, it was Sakaguchi’s dance and comedy technique that made Forever Plaid an event during its long run at the Hula Hut in the spring of 1997. Sakaguchi also appeared in Mänoa Valley Theatre’s Kiss of the Spiderwoman last March – a performance that won him additional "best actor" votes.
     Best museum show during the past year: One could say that your choice for very bestest show of the year was actually 25 years in the making – because that’s how long it took Rick Ralston to assemble the collection of antique toys, model trains, boats, motorcycles, trolleys, music boxes, vintage posters, trucks and cars that made up the Honolulu Academy of Arts’ holiday-season showing of Playthings: Antique Toys from the Rick Ralston Collection.
     Naysayers that we are, we can’t help but ask the obvious question: Was it art? (To which you reply: "Was that the question?")
     Best kumu hula: If one accepts the annual Merry Monarch hula competition as the litmus test for hälau hula, then it’s easy to see how the choices for co-winners in this category would be a no-brainer: Kumu hula William "Sonny" Kahakuleilehua Haunu‘u Ching’s Hälau Na Mamo O Pu‘uanahulu and kumu hula Chinky Mahoe’s Hälau Hula ‘O Kawaili‘ula won out here, much as they did at this year’s Merry Monarch. Notably, though its dancers rarely move in unison, the dance troupe known as the Office of Hawaiian Affairs received special recognition (i.e., one vote) in this category.
     Best local filmmaker: Your vote for best local filmmaker also happens to be one of Hawai‘i’s most prolific multitaskers. "We’re in the thick of it – it’s going to be really interesting," said Edgy Lee of her current work in progress, a documentary film on the history of Waikïkï – her third on Hawai‘i. The film will open in conjunction with the Bishop Museum’s January 2000 Waikïkï exhibit; there will be a companion book (co-authored by Paul Berry and designed by Michel Lê) and a companion soundtrack as well. (If the CD that accompanied her 1997 film Paniolo O Hawai‘i – Cowboys of the Far West is any indication, expect greatness.) If all goes as planned, the film will open first in a Waikïkï theater, so that locals and tourists alike will, as Lee put it, "have the opportunity to see what a special place they’re in."
     What else? Though she’s left Los Angeles behind and is now living in Hawai‘i full time, Lee continues to maintain ties with her production partners in L.A. and New York. Through her FilmWorks Limited production company here, Lee is working on a pilot for a television series she’s hoping to produce, which will be set in WWII Hawai‘i, and is also in the development stages of a six-hour series featuring science, high technology, biotechnology and culture, meant for national television broadcast. And she’s just finished producing The 14th Dalai Lama In Hawai‘i, a CD that features Hawaiian chant, Tibetan musicians and the Dalai Lama himself. Though Lee was originally hired to produce a film documentary on the Dalai Lama’s visit to Hawai‘i, the footage she was provided with didn’t work out. Instead, she says that the idea for the CD came while on the freeways of Los Angeles. "Road rage is real. If people in Los Angeles or Hawai‘i put this in during their drive time … who better to hear than His Holiness?" And how.
     Honorable mentions go to Eddie Kamae (who, along with wife/producer Myrna, is currently at work simultaneously on his seventh and eighth documentaries); and Nation Within producer and author Tom Coffman.
     Best slack-key guitar master: His friends call him Lima Wela, and with good reason: kï hö‘alu virtuoso Led Ka‘apana’s "hot hands" have earned him the admiration of guitarists as disparate as Chet Atkins, Albert Lee, Robert Junior Lockwood, Les Paul and Tal Farlow. Born and raised in the slack-key (and molten lava) hotbed of Kalapana, on the Big Island, Led’s now spent 25 years at the center of the Hawaiian music scene … and he continues to radiate the same love of music every time he hits the stage.
     Best concert during the past year: Riding the crest of her smash Titanic theme, French-Canadian chanteuse Celine Dion left the rest of the pack bobbing in her wake.
     Best poet: As the underwhelming response to this category proved yet again, poets aren’t always the most recognized group of artists in Hawai‘i. The category also shed light on some crucial demographics among our readers: While the "Best Local Brew" category received the lion’s share of reader participation, "Best Poet" fared the worst.
     At any rate, it’s no surprise that your choice for best of the bards should in fact be one of Hawai‘i’s most visible (and prolific) writers. Pulitzer prize-winner W.S. Merwin is currently awash in critical praise for his latest – and 17th – book of poetry, The Folding Cliffs (Alfred A. Knopf) … which lands on the shelf next to his four books of prose and numerous translations.

Readers’ Picks
      
     Retailing and Services
      
     BEST VETERINARIAN
     Dr. Arleene Kanemoto Skillman
     BEST AUCTIONEER
     McClain Auctions
     BEST PET STORE
     Pets Discount Warehouse
     BEST LEI SHOP
     Cindy’s Lei & Flower Shoppe
     BEST THRIFT STORE
     Goodwill Industries of Honolulu
     BEST MUSEUM SHOP
     Academy of Arts Honolulu
     BEST REAL-ESTATE AGENT
     Abrigo Marianne Properties; Margy Grosswendt; Kometani James Inc. Realtors
     BEST PLASTIC SURGEON
     Dr. Don F. Parsa
     BEST ORCHIDS
     Big Island
     BEST BICYCLE MECHANIC
     Miko Suzuki, Waipahu Bicycle & Sporting Goods
     BEST SHOE SHOP
     Nordstrom
     BEST HAIRCUTTER
     Holm at Holm’s Barbershop
     BEST MESSAGE
     Hula Hands
     BEST ATHLETIC EQUIPMENT STORE
     Sports Authority
      
Best veterinarian: The next time your puppy eats a poisonous centipede, breaks out in a full-body "what are these freakin’ bumps?!" rash and pukes all over your kitchen floor, call Arleene Kanemoto Skillman, D.V.M. (University Pet Clinic Inc; 2728 Woodlawn Dr.; 988-2111) – the vet you voted most able to handle such a situation. (Well, not specifically, but we’re sure she could.)
     Best pet store: Reflect a moment on that last category before you buy your small, needs-to-be-reminded-to-brush-her-own-teeth child a fuzzy wuzzy bunny rabbit this Easter. If you’re going to do it anyway, try buy at Pets Discount Warehouse (4384B Mäla‘ai, 422-5763; 1415 Kapi’olani Blvd., 955-3774). You also liked PETLAND.
     Best auctioneer: You chose McClain Auctions (825 Halekauwila; 538-7227) hands down (or would that be hands up?) for this one. Joe Tiepel was a strong second, followed by Lipton Inc.
     Best thrift store: The chain stores prevailed in this category. (Thrifting is supposed to be a challenge, remember? The thrill of the hunt?) Anyway, Goodwill Industries of Honolulu Inc. (2610 Kilihau; 836-0313) came out on top of your shopping list, followed by Savers, The Salvation Army and Ross Stores, which aren’t really thrift stores at all. (Kmart also got a few votes – are you guys being sarcastic, or what?)
     Best plastic surgeon: You get what you deserve, right? Answers in this category ranged from crass ("one that makes tits look real") to insightful ("exercise") to "I let my 5-year-old fill out this ballot" ("Darth Vader" and "Hannibal Lechter"). You saved face (oh, you love it) with some real answers, crowning Don F. Parsa, M.D. (1329 Lusitana Suite 807; 526-0303) as the best of the best.
     Best bicycle mechanic: In a place where bikes are (or should be) a primary mode of transportation for many, good mechanics are even more valuable than a Bus pass. You popped a wheelie for Miko Suzuki, Waipahu Bicycle & Sporting Goods (94-320 Waipahu Depot; 671-4091).

Readers’ Picks
      
     Recreation
      
     BEST PLACE TO CELEBRATE Y2K IN HAWAI'I
     At home with family
     BEST PLACE TO WORK OUT
     24 Hour Fitness
     MOST UNIQUE HIKING TRAIL
     Diamond Head; Sacred Falls
     BEST REASON TO LEGALIZE NUDE BEACHES IN HAWAI'I
     None
     BEST JOGGING PATH
     Ala Moana
     BEST CAMPING SITE IN THE STATE
     Ma-laekahana
     FAVORITE SURFER
     Kelly Slater
     COOLEST THING ABOUT MAUI
     Haleakala
     WORST THING ABOUT MAUI
     Lahaina
    
Best place to celebrate Y2K in Hawai‘i: If memory serves, it was Plato who said (to paraphrase) that we head into the shining future ass-first, trying to glean what’s to come by staring at our own shadows dancing on the wall.
     Countdown to ecstasy or end of the world as we know it? There’s nothing like a millennium shift to bring out the futurists, freaks and good ol’ philanderers … many of whom are using the turn of the clock to turn a buck – while most of us have our backsides turned.
     In June, Rolling Stone magazine reported that Las Vegas’ MGM Grand Hotel is building a mansion on its lot, with rooms to be rented as part of a package that also includes two New Year’s concerts with Barbra Streisand. Total cost to ring in Y2K in Lost Wages with Babs? A cool $1 million per ticket. Meanwhile, at the time of this writing, local promoters listed Michael Jackson as a definite maybe for an Aloha Stadium New Year’s show. Something for Jackson handlers to consider, then: Asked how you, our readers, would best spend the momentous leap into the year of aught (or is it naught?), the overwhelming response was "At home with family," followed by a number of variations on that theme. ("In bed with my ku‘uipo," etc.) And why not? The company’s good, the hooch is cheap … and if humanity does in fact take a post-millennial belly-flop, would you rather be at home with your loves or in the midst of several thousand screaming Jacko fans?
     Best place to work out: The winner is 24 Hour Fitness, which has three O‘ahu locations. This winner also gives us the chance to note that the muscle model for this year’s "Best of Honolulu" belongs to Raoul Fulcher Jr., general manager of 24 Hour Fitness. Thanks, dude! Looks like the pain has produced gain.
     Most unique hiking trail: On first glance, there’s not much to recommend Diamond Head Trail as one of the two first-placers for "Most Unique" trails in Hawai‘i: Cheap T-shirts at the trail head and a hike you can do barefoot? Occasionally pushy trail joggers and the opportunity to share a vista with several dozen other "hikers"? Huddled masses of touri, yearning to be free (of Waikïkï)?
     But hold on: There is a lot to be said for the trail. For one, it’s a nice, low-key, low-commitment way to get a little exercise on the weekend; for another, that view of downtown and Waikïkï points up a fact we sometimes take for granted while mired in traffic: Green space (a la Kapi‘olani Park). And if you catch it on the right afternoon – fall, for instance, when there’s a softening quality to the daylight and just a few clouds casting shadows on the water – the view from the first pillbox out to the horizon is awful pretty. And you can top the whole thing off with a quick swim at Kaimana. Not too shabby.
     As for your other favorite trail, "unique" could best be seen as a synonym for "unaccessible." As of this writing, Sacred Falls remains indefinitely closed to the public, for reasons that have already been far too publicized. For once, we say no more.
     Best reason to legalize nude beaches in Hawai‘i: "To see you naked is to recall the Earth," wrote the poet Federico García Lorca. But then again, there was playwright George Bernard Shaw: "We are ashamed of everything that is real about us; ashamed of ourselves, of our relatives, of our incomes, of our accents, of our opinions, of our experience, just as we are of our naked skins."
     These two notions in mind, we come upon the best reason to go nippers to the wind in Hawai‘i. Your overwhelming, one-word response? "None!" Apparently the missionary position (!) still holds some sway in Hawai‘i nei. …
     Best camping site in the state: Car campers unite! The big winners in this category go to two of the most accessible spots on O‘ahu – Mälaekahana in Kahuku taking the cake, and the Air Force’s Bellows recreation area in Waimänalo finishing a close runner-up.
     What’s not to like? Each is far enough out of town to get away from it all, but close enough to town to get back to it all in time to catch the Sunday night X-Files. Both are relatively safe and sane places. ("Safest camping on the islands," boasts Friends of Mälaekahana office manager Molly Maxwell-Stribling.) Most important, both are honest-to-god pretty, both in the same ironwood-lined way.
     Of course, popularity has its price. Mälaekahana is broken up into two pieces; the portion operated by the state Department of Land and Natural Resources’ section is currently free, but sources say this policy will change in the next six months. For a permit, one must go to the Main Office of the DLNR at least a month in advance. (Permits cover Friday through Tuesday night; one person can reserve for a family site of up to 10 people.) Call 587-0300 for information.
     Meanwhile, the nonprofit Friends of Mälaekahana operates the rest of the campground, which includes 40 campsites and seven cabins. Cost for the campgrounds is $5 per person, per night, with children under 8 free. Interested in a cabin? Think again: Reservations are taken up to a year in advance and all cabins are currently booked through July 2000. Call 293-1736 for permits.
     It’s a bit of a trick at Bellows, too. The camping areas are available to civilians only on weekends, with permits for the campsites going up for grabs two Fridays in advance at any Satellite City Hall. Be warned – the sites are free, and all are usually snapped up within the first half hour. Call 527-6695 for info.
     Favorite surfer: No surprises here. Your favorite surfer happens to be, arguably, the best surfer of all time. Six-time world champion Kelly Slater retired (for the time being) from full-time competition last year, but no matter: He’s still widely regarded as The Man, and will no doubt be his usual large presence on the North Shore this winter … and minus the pressure to perform in the contests, one can expect to see greatness.
     Coolest thing about Maui: It’s an obvious choice, sure, but what’s not to love about Haleakalä? The volcano, which has been rumbling as of late, makes up the bulk of eastern Maui and therefore technically contains many of your runner-up "Coolest Thing" choices – ‘Ulupalakua, silverswords, Häna, Makawao, Mäkena, Up-country. And the National Park proper is, well … one of those spots on Maui that’s actually deserving of the mystic rep that the rest of the island has taken as its own.
     A note to those who also voted Haleakalä as the best place to usher in the New Year: If you’re planning to do it in the comfort of one of the crater’s three cabins, the system works thus: Cabins are distributed by a lottery that is held once a month, and you’re allowed to put your name on the list 60 days in advance. For the complete skinny, call the National Parks Office at 541-2693.
      Worst thing about Maui: Ah, idyllic Maui. Those who still think Hawai‘i must live or die by its ability to draw visitors might want to look at the unifying theme buried in the responses to this question. Put it this way: If you build it, they won’t come. As usual, Lahaina is the hands-down winner as the least desirable thing about Maui, followed in no particular order by tourists, traffic, prices, "too many people and cars," Planet Hollywood, "looking like O‘ahu," "it’s like California," "over-commercialization," "development," "strip shopping lots," "where did the locals go?," "proposed expansion of Mä‘alaea Harbor and Kahului airport," "people riding bikes down Haleakalä," "over-development" and even, "It’s in Hawai‘i." (To the last of which we respond: "Unfortunately, so are you.")
     But wait, even in the "worst of" category, it ain’t all bad. From the department of double negatives came several variations on the theme of "I’m not there."
     Oh, and by the way, Linda Lingle made a guest appearance in this category, too ... even though she’s moved to O‘ahu.

Readers’ Picks
      
     Food
      
     Most Authentic Sushi
     Yanagi Sushi
     Best BBQ
     Dixie Grill
     Best Okazu
     Gulick Delicatessen and Coffee Shop
     Best Kim Chee
     Halm’s
     Best Pacific Rim Restaurant
     Roy’s
     Best Sunday Brunch
     Halekulani
     Best Service in a Restaurant
     Ruth’s Chris Steak House; Sam Choy’s
     Best Juice Bar
     Lanikai Juice Company
     Best Martini
     Scoozee’s
     Best ‘Ahi
     Irifune
     Best Musubi
     7-Eleven
     Best Chinese Noodles
     Yen King
     Best Italian Noodles
     Auntie Pasto’s
     Best Restaurant with Some History
     Auntie Pasto’s
     Best New Restaurant (Opening in Past 12 Months)
     Brew Moon
     Best Wine Selection
     Sunset Grill

Most authentic sushi: There are any number of reasons why Yanagi Sushi (762 Kapi‘olani Blvd.; 597-1525) could rightfully claim a title in the category best sushi – it serves a full menu late into the night (until 2 a.m. Monday through Saturday, and 10 p.m. on Sunday); its chefs are all trained in Japan; opened in 1978, it’s one of the oldest sushi restaurants on O‘ahu – and therefore is highly recognizable and extremely consistent; it never closes on holidays; the prices are reasonable; many of its competitors have folded. …
     On the other hand, if we’re talking strictly about most authentic sushi in Hawai‘i, a strong argument could also be made for the second-place restaurant in this category – Sushi Sasabune. Schooled in the art by a Los Angeles-based grandmaster who had a penchant for ejecting customers who dared to order California Roll, Sasabune owner Seiji Kumagawa is slightly gentler with his customers … but no less demanding in his art. He imports the world’s freshest ingredients daily from Los Angeles fish markets (sea urchin from California, fresh fish from Spain and Ecuador, scallops from Boston), where they are hand-selected by his former master. Once arrived, these ingredients are given the full attention of a chef who truly deserves the grandmaster appellation. …
     Best BBQ: Now we’ve got no beef (pun!) with Dixie Grill (404 Ward Ave.; 596-8359), and acknowledge that its thoroughly serviceable BBQ trampled the competition by a two-to-one vote margin, but we have to admit to some mild disappointment that our own in-office favorite didn’t bring home the bacon. After all, Bob Barr, the proprietor of Bob Barr’s Smokin’ Barr-B-Q, is a man on a mission. Starting every day at 7 a.m. with a smoker jammed full of beef, pork, ribs and chicken, Barr takes his time – in this case several hours – and does it right.
     But such is life: Dixie kicked some free-range booty and Bob Barr was left back in a herd that also included Tony Roma’s, L & L Drive-Inn, Deb’s Southern Comforts (another staff fave), Yummy’s Barbeque, the ubiquitous Zippy’s, Tasty Korean Barbeque, Big Island Steak House and … Palace Saimin.
     Best okazu: Who’s gonna argue? After more than 20 years in the biz, Kalihi’s Gulick Delicatessen and Coffee Shop (1512 Gulick Ave.; 847-1461) knows that the best okazu is the family-style simplest. Nothing fancy, nobody gets hurt. Same goes for all the assorted runners-up, including Fukuya’s, Sekiya’s Restaurant and Delicatessen and Kabuki’s.
     Best kim chee: Though kim chee’s one of those Island foods that everyone has an opinion on, the overall winner was no huge surprise. Popular opinion has it that the best kim chee in Hawai‘i comes not from a restaurant but out of the Halm’s Enterprise (3171 Wai‘alae Ave.; 733-1300) factory in Kaimukï. What makes Halm’s so dangerous? While he didn’t divulge any recipe secrets, Halm’s manager Mike Irish did give away an essential tip for home brewers: "Our kim chee is very fresh. We get our vegetables from Waimea on the Big Island. If the vegetables are picked on Monday, they get shipped here by Tuesday, cut by Wednesday, packed by Thursday and on the shelves by Friday." On those shelves, you’ll now find several Halm’s varieties. According to Irish, won bok is the biggest seller, followed by cucumber, head cabbage and, naturally bringing up the rear, light versions of the above.
     Best Pacific Rim restaurant: There are several that do it just as good, but no one does it better than Roy Yamaguchi – as the avalanche of votes cast for his namesake Roy’s (6600 Kalaniana‘ole Hwy; 396-7697) restaurant proved in this category. It’s not likely that anyone will unseat the "grandfather of Pacific Rim cuisine" anytime too soon, but there are still a lot of worthy contenders – places like Indigo, David Paul’s, Chai’s Island Bistro, L‘Uraku, Alan Wong’s, Pacific Café and Sam Choy’s … which all received a respectable number of votes. As always, there were also a few unworthies that snuck in … and we’re referring specifically to the discriminating gourmet who nominated Mos Burger.
     Best Sunday brunch: You may have noticed a contrary streak in our responses to certain of your "Best of" selections, but we will grant you wholehearted agreement in the choice of Orchids (Halekulani 2199 Kälia Rd; 923-2311) as the best Sunday brunch. The view of Diamond Head and the azure Pacific, the digestion-inducing strains of live music and the GUTBUSTING GOURMET GRINDS … uh, sorry. But really, you’ve got to admire an all-you-can-eat spread that features everything from eggs Benedict to lomilomi and Greek salads. (Our prediction for next year’s winner? Five bucks on The Willows.)
     Best service in a restaurant: Back in 1997, when we asked you to name the "Best restaurant for getting attitude from the wait staff," the final result was a five-way tie. Among the "winners" was at least one restaurant that has apparently mended its attitudinal excesses. Comeback kid Sam Choy’s (580 N. Nimitz Highway; 449 Kapahulu Avenue) found itself in a happier tie this year, sharing the "Best Service" category with Ruth’s Chris Steak House (Restaurant Row, 599-3860).
     Of course, everyone has a different idea of what constitutes good service: "In Hawai‘i? You gotta be kidding!" bitched one respondent. "Never been serviced in a restaurant," lamented another.
     Best juice bar: Is it fresh or is it frozen? Questions devoutly to be asked, in love as it is in juice bars. This being the case, we can get behind your choice of Lanikai Juice Company (572 Kailua Rd; 262-2383). According to owner Pablo Gonzales, the two-and-a-half year-old Kailua shop (there’s also a newer edition in Waikïkï – 341 Saratoga Rd; 922-6789) uses only fresh fruits – Hawaiian varieties in season – and the more expensive natural yogurts. And nothing is frozen, ever … unlike, he notes with more than a hint of pride, certain ingredients used at across-the-street corporate competitor Jamba Juice. Can you say "rivalry"?
     Best martini: Though tradition-minded ’tini tippers will argue endlessly the merits of gin versus vodka, the flavorful concoctions served up at Scoozee’s (1200 Ala Moana; 597-1777) have found a place in many an Islander’s heart (and liver).
     "We make our own infused vodkas here, starting with fresh fruits and ingredients for our specials and featured flavors," said bartender Jenny Hooley, when asked to explain Scoozee’s popularity among booze hounds. "We also have the biggest selection of vodkas, including the top seven known around the world and a few that you can only find at our bar."
     Best ‘ahi: The sign out front says "Yes, we’re open" and it’s a lucky thing too. Irifune Restaurant (563 Kapahulu Ave., 737-1141) inadvertently underwent some renovation recently, when a drowsy driver hopped the curb and parked it in the famed Kapahulu eatery. Luckily, no one was hurt in the early morning incident, and the restaurant continues to be everyone’s favorite stop (curbside, please!) for ‘ahi – sashimi, pan-fried or in any number of broke da mouth combinations.
     A close runner-up, no doubt for its signature fried poke, was Sam Choy’s.
     Best Chinese noodles: We got you: The "winner" according to reader votes in this category was Yen King (Kähala Mall, 732-5505). Yen King’s been open for 18 years, and it counts Beef Broccoli Chow Mein among its specialties.
     Still, anyone who really knows their noodles knows that there is no single best noodle house in town. If there’s one thing that Hawai‘i’s Chinese restaurants do better than anywhere else, it’s noodles. Ever make the mistake of ordering noodles in a Chinese restaurant on the Mainland? Two words for you: gummy and greasy. Eeew. Even in Hong Kong and the famed Chinatowns of San Francisco and New York, noodles have languished on menus, perhaps deemed too "low class" to merit serious culinary focus.
     Lucky for us, Hawai‘i has had over a century to perfect this "peasant" food tradition since it arrived with the first wave of Chinese immigrants. As a result, our noodles have evolved into a world-class tradition all their own.
     Chinese noodles are now so varied that no single restaurant can be the "best" at all of them – and Honolulu is blessed with the best noodle shops anywhere, so it seems criminal for anyone to have a mediocre noodle experience. Herewith are our own additional picks for best in The Big Four: crispy cake noodles, chewy soup noodles, tasty chow fun and the ubiquitous go lo mein. Along River Street, minute chicken cake noodle fans willingly stand in line outside Lee Ho Fook. Right next door, Hong Kong Noodle specializes in impossibly thin, chewy soup and "dry" noodles topped with everything from beef tendon to the best Hong Kong-style wonton in town (the tiny, thin-skinned ones with crunchy shrimp inside). If it’s great chow fun you are after, the dry (gravy-less) beef broccoli at Mei Sum is epic. Gon lo mein is best prepared at Ting Yin Chop Suey, open since 1930.
     Best Italian noodles: It was your call: Auntie Pasto’s (1099 Beretania; 523-8855) utilitarian noodles got your vote for "Best Italian." Not to say that A.P.’s cuisine is unworthy – we eat there all the time, and the restaurant lands a spot as best-something-or-other virtually every year. The consensus around here is we were expecting something a bit more exotic. Perhaps a restaurant that makes its own noodles?
     Best restaurant with some history: Ever notice that eating out usually requires sacrificing one of Three Primary Dining Objectives? It seems impossible to find a place offering 1) great food, 2) fabulous setting AND 3) good price. So we haul out the gold card for 1 and 2; try not to set our purses on the floor for 1 and 3; or consume mediocre meals for 2 and 3.
     In our mind, there is one notable exception: For food, location and price nothing beats the Hau Tree Lanai. The Hau Tree’s Pacific-influenced menu is tasty, the outdoor ambiance and panoramic view of Mämala Bay is travel-magazine perfect and the price is well below many of Honolulu’s more rarified establishments.
     Oh, but wait, this is the "Restaurant with History" category, isn’t it? If the food, view and price aren’t enough to lure you to Sans Souci, you can go for the lesson in time.
     The Hau Tree Lanai has a storied history that reaches back some 100 years. Kamehameha the Great is said to have marshaled his naval forces on the beach at Sans Souci before overthrowing O‘ahu’s ali‘i, Kalanikupule, in 1795. In 1895, counter-revolutionists held meetings at Sans Souci as they plotted an attempt to restore Queen Lili‘uokalani to the throne. In 1893, after vacationing five weeks at this spot and enjoying the hau tree’s shade, none other than Robert Louis Stevenson wrote, "if anyone desires such old-fashioned things as lovely scenery, quiet, pure air, clean sea water, good food, and heavenly sunsets hung out before their eyes over the Pacific and the distant hills of Wai‘anae, I recommend him cordially to Sans Souci."
     The Weekly joins Mr. Stevenson in a cordial invitation to enjoy some "old-fashioned things" – the shade of the now 100-year-old hau tree; a seat behind the white balustrade that has stood since 1903 and a "heavenly sunset" or two.
     By the by, if you’re wondering which restaurant readers chose in this category, the winner by a manini landslide was … Auntie Pasto’s.
     Best new restaurant (opening in past 12 months): Hawai‘i’s economic outlook may be stagnant, but one wouldn’t know it to see the number of restaurant start-ups in the last 12 months. The responses in this category ranged from pricey joints like Padovani’s Bistro to the big-plate bargains of Magoo’s Steak & Pasta and the down-home freshness of Samira’s Country Kitchen in Pälolo and Wild Mushroom in the downtown YWCA.
     The big winner, however, fell somewhere in between. Brew Moon (1200 Ala Moana; 593-0088) is, after all, something of an everyman in the restaurant biz: Very good beer selection, nice atmosphere, very-decent-if-not-great cuisine … and you can generally get out the door without wearing the numbers off your credit card.
     Best wine selection: Here’s the thing: When we call around looking for information on our reader’s poll winners, we don’t want to let the cat out of the bag as to who actually won. So we lie.
     Told that we were doing a story on some of our reader’s favorite places for wine, Sunset Grill (Restaurant Row; 521-4409) General Manager William Cambridge said, "Well, not to toot my own horn or anything, but we do have the best selection of wines here. … Did you know that?"
     Well, yeah, we did.

Readers' Picks

Sex and Romance
      
     Best Place to Mend a Broken Heart
     Bed
     Best Place to Abuse Viagra
     Home; bed
     Best Place for a Personal Ad First Date
     Honolulu Weekly
      

Best place to mend a broken heart: This one was easy: bed. The question, though, is: What do you do in bed? We’ll leave that up to your imagination. Next up was Tantalus "without police" (yep, sex), followed by the ocean and beach (yep, brooding) and Club Femme Nu (yep, alcohol and sex).
     Less debauched suggestions came in as well, including "call a psychic."
     Best place to abuse Viagra: Again, it was easy: home and bed, but Korean bars and Hotel Street were strong runners-up. Clearly, Viagra has revolutionized how we think and act upon sex, judging by these responses: nursing homes, "right hand," Hula’s, women’s prison, Elizabeth Dole’s bed and "What kind of questions are these?"
     "Ask Gerard Jervis" and the Hawai‘i Prince Hotel Waikïkï bathroom came up as well. If you don’t understand these two responses, you just haven’t been paying attention.
     Best place for a personal ad first date: This category was misunderstood, and it’s our fault because of the awkward wording. Although dating has been known to happen in our offices – lots of things have been known to happen in our offices – we really don’t think the Honolulu Weekly is the best place to go on a first date. (See above for better suggestions.)
     But, the Weekly is a great newspaper in which to place a personal ad. In fact, check out our Datemaker section in the back of this issue. Operators are standing – possibly sitting – by. …
    

Readers’ Picks

     Night Life
      
     Best Spot for Swing Dancing
     The Pier Bar
     Best Local Brew
     Gordon Biersch Brewery Restaurant
     Best Bar to Watch the Sunset
     Duke’s Restaurant and Barefoot Bar
     Best Pau Hana Bar
     The Ocean Club
     Best Place for Live Music
     The Pier Bar
     Best Waiki-ki- Hotel Bar
     Duke’s Barefoot Restaurant and Bar
     Best Local Band
     Pure Heart
     Best Musicians’ Hangout
     Don Ho’s

     Best spot for swing dancing: You ain’t got a thing, if you ain’t got a place to swing – which in part may explain why The Pier Bar (Aloha Tower; 536-2166) was hands-down winner in this category. And why? Contributing writer/resident swing thing Erin M.M. Sweeney broke it down for us: The Pier Bar has been one of the few consistent venues for swing for close to a year, and the only one with live bands performing virtually every Wednesday night … that, and it’s outdoors (no smoke, less sweat).
     The minuses: 1) It’s limited to dancers age 21 and over; 2) the concrete dance floor is painful to boogie on; and 3) the concrete dance floor + outdoor venue + rainfall = a dance floor that’s painful and slippery.
     Asked to name her personal favorites, E.M.M.S. ticked off the following: 1) the Friday night Warehouse gigs in Kalihi (the wooden dance floor rules); 2) Big Kahuna and the Copa Cat Pack’s Hilton Hawaiian Village run (live band, good dance floor, and it’s 18 and older), though the cover’s a bit pricey. The current run is scheduled to end Aug. 28.
     Best local brew: The huge response to this category revealed some telling information about Honolulu Weekly readers: You’re a bunch of lushes (well, except for the two goofballs who nominated "latte" and "water" as Hawai‘i’s best brews). At any rate, a toast to the recently remodeled Gordon Biersch Brewery Restaurant (Aloha Tower; 599-4877), whose stalwart devotion to the marzen/ pilsner/dunkles formula continues to pay huge popularity dividends.
     Hold the phone, though: There could be a monkey wrench in the ballot tabulation process. Because of state limits set on the amount of beer a "brew pub" can produce locally for resale, Gordon Biersch’s bottled beer is brewed on the Mainland and then shipped to Hawai‘i. This being the case, some might argue that – in the bottled beer category – Ali‘i Brewing Company was the big winner.
     There’s only one way to settle this: Blind drunk taste test. We’re committed to resolving this impasse at whatever the personal cost to our livers: Send kegs now!
     P.S. to Brew Moon, Sam Choy’s, Kona Brewing Company, Mehana, Stecks and Cheeseburger in Paradise: As reader nominees in this category, you’re perfectly welcome to taint the judging process … bring it on, baybeee!
     Best bar to watch the sunset: A tip of the mai tai to Duke’s Restaurant and Barefoot Bar (2335 Kaläkaua Ave., behind the Outrigger; 922-2268) as the best end-of-the-day watering hole. And why not? If you squint a little, you can still catch a glimpse of Waikïkï in its heyday: Diamond Head glowing off to the left, the pack taking off on a group wave at Canoes as the light leaves the sky, bronzed beach boys bellying up (literally) to the bar. …
     Best pau hana bar: Well, well, well. Back in 1997 we asked for your choice for "Best Happy Hour Püpü," and you came back with The Ocean Club. This time around, in the slightly altered category of best pau hana bar, you came back with … The Ocean Club (Restaurant Row; 526-9888). Of course, this is basically the same question – there’s only so many things you can do with drink specials, but it’s the püpü that make or break pau hana … and with grinds like black and blue ‘ahi, crab shooters and fried calamari, Ocean’s takes the (fish) cake.
     Best Waikïkï hotel bar: Duke’s Barefoot Restaurant and Bar swept this category as well … and though we certainly can’t find fault with the choice, we would like to point out that our own personal fave received shamefully few votes – perhaps because many of you still don’t know the secret. For the record then, Thursday evenings at the Hawaiian Regent Lobby Bar rule, for one simple reason: Multi-octaved octogenarian Auntie Genoa Keawe, who continues to shine on a weekly basis.
     Best local band: News flash: Weekly readers aren’t only pretty, they’re prescient. Last year, when we asked you to name the best CD of 1998, the unanimous decision went to the debut disc by Pure Heart. This year, the trio of Jake Shimabukuro (‘ukulele), Lopaka Colon (percussion) and Jon Yamasato (guitar and vocals) left the rest of the field, well, heartbroken when they swept the Nä Hökü Hanohano awards for that same album. And they wiped the floor with the rest of the competition again in this year’s polling for best local band.
     Best musicians’ hangout: With the occasional drop-in by the Brothers Caz and a lineup that features everyone from Fiji to John Cruz to Sudden Rush, first-place winner Don Ho’s Island Grill (Aloha Tower; 528-0807) earns its kanikapila kudos. The club is also essential in filling a certain void for local music: Taking second place in this category was island music powerhouse Punani’s Bar & Café, which last year moved from its upper Kaläkaua Avenue digs to a slightly more swanky Nu‘uanu Avenue address … and then recently shut down.

Editors’ Picks 1999
     In last year’s "Best of Honolulu" issue, veteran Honolulu Weekly contributor Curt Sanburn introduced a new feature as part of our editor’s picks: The first annual "Hall of Shame" awards for crimes against the ‘äina. Within, Sanburn pointed out numerous examples of Hawai‘i’s "institutionalized thoughtlessness" when it came to developing these Islands.
    This year, in the finest of Honolulu Weekly traditions, we’re already altering the format. Anemic economy to Baywatch bonanza, we’ve come to the conclusion that there’s more than one way to interpret certain bits of evidence.
Herein then lie some final thoughts on the best and worst of the previous 12 months, as seen through the eyes of staff and favorite friends of Honolulu Weekly.

The Economy: Worst Problem, or Best Opportunity?
    Earlier in this decade, the coupled effects of the Gulf War and the exodus of Japanese capital halted the momentum of the giddy spiral that was Hawai‘i’s economy. In response, bankers, developers and other monied interests joined together in a media campaign ("Thumbs Up, Hawai‘i!") to tell us that everything was going to be all right.
     We didn’t believe them. Now, in the eighth or ninth year of this "sluggish," "depressed," "crisis" economy, the same interests have become prophets of fiscal doom. "If we don’t subsidize the tourist industry," they tell us, "Hawai‘i is dead in the water." Or: "We must fund new development to create more construction jobs."
     Well, guess what? We still don’t believe them. Nobody can deny that Hawai‘i’s economy is changing. But it could be changing for the better. We could be heading into a more harmonious, less rapacious mode of existence. And returning to "the good old days" could be a really bad idea.
     Look around: Waikïkï’s not a ghost town. Tourism isn’t dead, or even dying: It’s just tapering off to saner levels. Which means we won’t be building new hotels on undeveloped beachfronts, but renovating the ones we already have. If tourism had kept growing at projected annual rates based on the heydays of earlier decades, how many tourists would be visiting Hawai‘i this year: 9 million? 10? Are these numbers really desirable?
     From a resident’s perspective, Hawai‘i’s not exactly turning into Appalachia. People are still buying new cars, computers and appliances, and hauling enough food out of Costco to feed militias. Brokers bemoan plummeting real-estate prices, which have returned to levels that make home ownership a possibility for nonbillionaires. But is that bad news?
     And then there’s the really good news: Developers like Jack Myers have left town for greener pastures – in his case, San Francisco. Aloha, and good riddance, Jack! Too bad you couldn’t stick around to erect another half-dozen unnecessary high-rises. Not!
     Which brings us to another thought: Maybe it’s only the greedy who are displeased with the current state of economic affairs in Hawai‘i, or those stuck in the old ways of thinking – e.g., that a "healthy" economy is one that never stops growing like a tumor. The consequences of this kind of thinking are devastating: overdevelopment, depletion of natural resources and a population hooked on the drug of consumerism, convinced by advertising that buying things is all they need do to be happy.
     We look forward to implementing "new" solutions that have, of course, been waiting in the wings for years – such as solar power, kept at bay by special interests threatened by the idea of a renewable energy resource they can’t put a meter on and charge people for. And diversified agriculture. And eco-tourism. And cooperative purchasing entities, now being strengthened by online commercial technologies. And businesses like Patagonia which, when it determined that further growth would be harmful to the environment, deliberately stopped growing.
     Are these the worst of times, as our bank-payrolled economists would have us believe? Or are they possibly the best of times? –John Wythe White

Best Political Trend: Change
     A kama‘äina colleague, a writer who works in a progressive West Coast city, called last month to get the scoop on "what’s happening" in Hawai‘i. I told him that a Circuit Court judge had just ordered a halt on reconstruction of the Waikïkï Natatorium.
     A long, quiet pause hummed over the phone, and then came a sigh.
     "You guys move soooo slow," he finally said.
     "Thanks," I sarcastically replied. The conversation quickly concluded.
     I was a little peeved – my friend had touched on a longtime lament about Hawai‘i: People are afraid to make important political change, for cultural or other reasons, etc. The problem is, this axiom is often accurate.
     After our phone call, I wondered whether I should have told this Mainland writer about the very remarkable changes that have occurred recently in local politics. But he probably wouldn’t have believed it.
     Think about it: A year ago, Attorney General Margery Bronster, Budget Director Earl Anzai and the five Bishop Estate Trustees had jobs. (U.S. Sen. Dan Akaka actually suggested, just before the "Broken Trust" scandal broke two years ago, that the trustees should be paid more than their $850,000-plus salary. Perhaps he was planning ahead.) Joe Souki was House Speaker, and Terrance Tom was running for the state Senate. Tom and Milton Holt were both working for Bishop Estate, and Holt hadn’t told anyone that he liked drugs.
     Ben Cayetano was not popular. Linda Lingle was. And Quentin Kawananakoa was heir apparent to Neil Abercrombie.
     Additionally, nobody dared question United Public Workers boss Gary Rodrigues. Honolulu Mayor Jeremy Harris’ plans for the Natatorium were well under way, while Mufi Hannemann was sitting pretty as City Council Chair (both pols also appeared assured of eventual elevation to higher office). Lastly, but not leastly, gays were fighting for the same rights as heterosexuals.
     Yes, one could argue that our economy still sucks, that gays got a raw deal and that Democrats and unions still wield too much power. That power is exercised, as when the UPW negotiated retroactive pay raises last month for some state employees, regardless of when they began working. The state’s largest union, the Hawai‘i Government Employees’ Association, also received raises earlier this year – despite there being no money in state coffers to pay for them.
     However, real change is evident. Maybe it’s just a "millennium thing" – but there’s rarely been anything like the public outrage that followed Margery Bronster’s April dismissal by the state Senate. While the Weekly’s Bob Rees, like others, has pointed out that Bronster is not quite the guiding angel the public makes her out to be, her Senate rejection is/was a watershed in local politics. Hawai‘i may move slower than people would wish, but moving it is, and dissatisfaction with politics as usual is reaching a climax. –Chad Blair

Worst Hysteric Preservation: The Natatorium
     Trapped between two uncompromising special-interest groups, the Waikïkï War Memorial Natatorium is our pick for the worst example of preserving the past. It should be common sense. We all want to preserve our history and culture, but some things aren’t the same anymore: Compromise is needed.
     Not so with the all-or-you-don’t-respect-your-forefathers Friends of the Natatorium. They would have you believe anything less than an enclosed pool would mock the memory of the veterans of World War I.
     Nor with the see-you-in-court Kaimana Beach Coalition, who are right there with a restraining order to stop any restoration of the arches, unless all demands are met. Although Mayor Jeremy Harris – under oath – testified late last month that he still intends to renovate the entire structure, including the pool, he says tourist shows are not planned for the facility (for the record, the Kaimana Beach Coalition doesn’t believe him).
     We need some leadership on the matter to reach one of the numerous middle grounds that would work for most of us. What do we get? Mufi Hannemann/John Henry Felix/ Donna Mercado Kim, smarting from their ouster as Honolulu City Council leaders, trying to grab headlines and embarrass Mayor Jeremy Harris, whether it contributes a resolution or not. The mayor, for his part, has been wishy-washy and behind the curve the whole time. C’mon .... somebody? Lead us out of this mess! –Alex Achimore

Best Local Tomatoes
     Red, ripe tomatoes with flavor are scarcer than green sand beaches in Hawai‘i. One Waimea-based friend actually hand-carries gifts of Big Island farmers’ market tomatoes to her friends and relatives on O‘ahu.
     Our O‘ahu choices are few – most tomatoes sold here are an ugly pink, hard as stones and tasteless. Once in a while Costco will get some vine-ripened beauties, but one can’t count on their availability.
     For locally grown, consistently tasty, big, red tomatoes, we suggest you try Kokua Market Natural Food Co-op’s hydroponically grown Hau‘ula tomatoes. At Kokua (2643 S. King St.; 941-1922) they’re almost always available, costing between $1.95 and $2.50 a pound. They come from Graf and Terry Shintaku’s small family farm, and they are ‘ono. These are the same tomatoes Savas at the Olive Tree uses, and he’s a man known for his extreme fussiness with regard to the best ingredients. –Laurie V. Carlson
    

Best Old is New Again: The Willows
     OK, OK, they’ve recently drawn some heat from the neighborhood over hours of operation and could be a bit more politic about it. But who ever would have thought the Willows restaurant would come back? That’s the kind of piece of old Hawai‘i that can’t stand up to asset managers and "highest and best use." Good thing it wasn’t in Waikïkï!
     Kudos to the Weinberg Family Foundation, a local nonprofit with the deepest of pockets, which isn’t bringing the old Willows back, exactly (rats the size of cats and all), but has recreated a workable, contemporary Willows.
     There are at least three venues at the recently reopened Willows now: an air-conditioned fine-dining restaurant upstairs, a deli with takeout and a restaurant around the restored fish ponds. The quality of design and detail is all there. We haven’t tried the food yet, but atmosphere was what made it before – and the food was pretty good then, too.
     This is preservation that means something – not a precious relic to look at, but a working, fun part of today’s life as well. –Alex Achimore

Worst Community: The "City" of Kapolei
     For our readers who may be tempted to buy into one of those "new communities" in West O‘ahu, all of which are still pretty raw, we offer the worst community, or the one least likely to become a real place.
     The Campbell Estate’s Kapolei was an isolated, dying sugar plantation owned by a powerful local family that wanted to maximize appraised value in order to bring maximum cash to itself upon liquidation. As an asset management exercise, it was a brilliant strategy: Why not get the government to designate it as "the Second City" and even ship government workers out there, whether the location makes sense or not, to create high-value commercial property out of low value agriculture land?
     From a planning and community development perspective, though, Kapolei is a disaster.
     The whole notion of "second cities" was discarded by the early ’50s in Europe, when they tried and failed to decentralize really big cities like London and Paris right after the war. This must have been about the time Campbell planners first started thinking about their problem and conjuring up a need for a second city here, selling it as a "traffic mitigation" measure.
     Unfortunately, news of the worsened traffic and placeless second-city experiments elsewhere hadn’t reached Hawai‘i. Instead of a true town center, with a lively mix of uses and experiences, they’ve separated everything in Kapolei. Strung along a wide, lifeless highway are an office park, strip shopping center, multiplex cinemas and medical building – no focal point, no connections, no synergy, no there. Expect that highway to be jammed when Kapolei fills in, since the layout necessitates a car just to circulate between the "downtown" uses.
     The tragedy is that this group could afford to hire the best talent in the world. In the last 15 years the design of new communities has undergone a renaissance elsewhere (again, news travels slowly to Hawai‘i). The new thinking advocates creating places where housing, shopping and working are close by and connected, rather than separated by massive parking lots and wide boulevards, so that people are more apt to walk, congregate and form community bonds.
     The Campbell staff appears blissfully unaware of any of this. While Campbell beneficiaries aren’t expected to be cutting-edge planners, we could expect these descendants of Hawaiian ali‘i to treat the ‘äina with more reverence, and ask their trustees to search out the best thinking on community development, not simply the most expeditious way to maximize cash .–Garner Chamberlin
    

Best Investment in Traffic Relief
     Some folks who have recently moved from Honolulu to the Windward Side have discovered the most amazing thing: The traffic lights in many neighborhoods leading to the Pali Highway have sensors, which help ease the flow of traffic considerably.
     If no car is approaching the traffic light, the light will not automatically turn red or green. It will wait until cars appear and then change. Unfortunately, the use of these sensors seems arbitrary, and there are many places they could be used to improve the flow of traffic.
     We called the state Department of Transportation, and they told the Weekly that "detector loops," or sensors, are in place at a majority of O‘ahu intersections. But, sometimes the sensors get damaged, especially when repaving of the street is done. Then DOT has to switch to automatic changes, which are less efficient.
     If you know of an intersection with lights that are turning too slowly, call the Traffic Signal Maintenance office at 523-4831. –Laurie V. Carlson
    

Best Media Personality: Lee Cataluna
     Our favorite Hawai‘i television news personality is – or, rather, was – Lee Cataluna, former co-anchor on the KHNL News at 8 and 10 p.m. It was fun to watch her play the buttoned-down, serious haole, because underneath she would always be the local girl (from Maui, Kaua‘i and finally O‘ahu) that she was, almost but not quite always suppressing her facility with Pidgin and a sharp sense of humor.
     Not content with the easy celebrity of newscasting, she continued to develop her creativity, moonlighting as a stand-up comedienne and playwright. She enrolled in a Kumu Kahua Theatre workshop led by playwright Victoria Kneubuhl, where a scene she wrote as an exercise quickly evolved into a full-length comedy, Da Mayah, which the theater group fast-tracked into production, and packed the house. Another play she wrote, Ulua: The Musical premières this fall, also at Kumu Kahua.
     One Friday morning last March, Cataluna quit her newscasting job without offering her employers the expected notice. She was fed up with the station and ready to move on, already booked on a flight to L.A. the very next day, determined to start a new career as a television comedy writer. With, maybe, a backup job as a newscaster.
     Cataluna left KHNL because she was tired of riding the ratings-propelled roller coaster. She had been promoted from the station’s news at 6 a.m. to share the evening/night anchor slot with Dan Cooke, then transferred back into the morning minor league after less than a year. The station management obviously held her responsible for failing to provide the ratings surge they needed.
     When Cataluna lived on Kaua‘i, she worked with Ed Kaahea, one of the original members of Booga Booga Theatre, the trio that changed the personality of Hawai‘i comedy in the ’70s. She developed a style of comedy writing that, while undeniably local and akamai, doesn’t rely on demeaning racial stereotypes for laughs. (She even exchanged words with Frank DeLima about this very topic – at a public performance on Kaua‘i at which they both appeared. They haven’t spoken to each other since.)
     If Cataluna could have been herself on the air, KHNL news show ratings might have soared. But that didn’t happen – and now she’s living in Los Angeles, where her film script Ho‘olawe: Give and Take is about to be made into a feature film. She recently returned to Hawai‘i to scout locations and conduct auditions. She’ll be back again when Ulua: The Musical goes into production.
     Maybe, someday, she’ll come back to stay. Until then, we’ll miss her. –John Wythe White

The Boom and the Bust of Baywatch
     Depending on who you talk to, the arrival of the cast and crew of the Baywatch television series on O‘ahu’s North Shore is either a godsend or a plague from hell.
     Merchants with ear-to-ear grins and dollar signs for eyeballs eagerly await the launching of an awesome purchasing force that’s going to propel their profits through their roofs. Real estate agents are all adrool at the prospect of obscenely high-salaried stars and starlets impulse-purchasing multimillion-dollar beachfront mansions with their pocket change. Otherwise intelligent young men are reduced to whimpering idiots by visions of approaching female nubility, and young women go weak with the thought of lonely, handsome hunks searching for companionship after a hard day’s shoot.
     Others are convinced that the arrival of the Baywatch Behemoth in Hale‘iwa will result in nothing less than the end of life as we know it on the North Shore. They contend that the influx of gigantic trucks, equipment and personnel will disrupt the mellow rhythms of daily life to such an extent that residents will suffer psychological trauma and perhaps even massive heart failure. Traffic will jam. Parking will disappear.
     Regarding the actual effect of Baywatch on the North Shore community, the jury is still out. Personnel arrived on O‘ahu in July, but immediately transferred to Kaua‘i for their first shoot. Construction is proceeding on a second-story addition to the Surf Center building at the beach park – a $400,000 project paid for with funds from the show’s production budget.
     But, as of yet, no sudden surges have registered on Hale‘iwa’s economic seismograph, and no residents have suffered from Baywatch-clogged arteries, either biological or transportational. Three local entrepreneurs, however, have been threatened with lawsuits if they don’t stop using the trademarked Baywatch name on their trinkets.
     The Baywatch producers and PR people have been forthcoming about the show’s possible effects on the local community. At a Neighborhood Board meeting, they didn’t deny that their presence would make an impact, but promised residents they would do their best to minimize inconveniences. They estimated they would actually be working in Hale‘iwa no more than two days per week.
     Diane Anderson, president of the North Shore chapter of The Outdoor Circle environmental group, describes the impact of Baywatch as "a mixed bag." "It will be good for the businesses here," she says, "but for the residents it will be like a carnival come to town – permanently. On the bright side, they have told us that they’re dedicated to the environment. They want to help clean up litter and plant things."
     Perhaps to illustrate their concern, Baywatch representatives signed The Outdoor Circle’s recent petition to stop Hawaiian Electric from installing a line of 75-foot steel towers that would spoil the view along Kamehameha Highway from Wahiawa to Hale‘iwa ("Power Trip," HW, 7/14).
     "They have a vested interest in preserving our scenic beauty," says Anderson, "because this part of the island is about to be showcased to millions of people around the world."
–John Wythe White

Best for Dogs: Bark Park
     Pets must be properly inoculated; No contagious diseases, parasite free; No dogs exhibiting any aggressive or threatening behavior may enter the park; No bitches in heat may enter the park.
     This message greets leash-holders at the entrance to Honolulu’s first off-leash dog park, Bark Park – a worthwhile activity we want to pass on to dog-lovin’ readers.
     I was nervous on my first visit, with puppy Otis. Upon entering the gate, the dog-savvy pack inside (pedigrees and poi dogs in every shape and color) dropped everything to run over and greet the new puppy, welcoming him underneath a dog pile of wagging tails and tongues. Then, they’re off; dog recess has begun.
     I’m left standing with the humans, holding the poop bag. They begin sniffing me out,
     making dog small-talk. We laugh, watching our mutts romp in the park. Friendly butt-sniffing aside, I realize my puppy is not only having a blast, he’s developing crucial social skills – and so am I.
     It’s funny: Ask me the names of any pet owners and I couldn’t tell you, but I remember their dogs. There’s Sydney, the shepherd mix, unofficial Sergeant at Arms: When a quarrel erupts, she’s right there to break it up. There’s Nalu, a Rottweiler from Mililani: a gentle giant, secure enough in his alpha status to let little ankle-snapping Pomeranians like Pikake think they’re in charge. Don’t turn your back on Poppy, the Dalmatian: If you’re holding snacks, she’ll pickpocket you faster than a hooker on Kaläkaua.
     Bark Park opened last fall, the brainchild of Clark Hatch. It was built to give dogs an opportunity to stretch their legs and socialize with other pooches. Hatch persuaded the state to approve an agreement in 1997 for the public Pet Park on Fort Ruger surplus land, on the corner of Diamond Head Road and 18th Avenue (next to Diamond Head Memorial Park). The park is fully fenced; rules are posted and the all important doo-doo bags are readily available.
     There are ongoing costs to maintain Bark Park: water costs and gardening costs; volunteers are always needed. If you can contribute time, contact Hatch at 536-7205. Financial donations are also needed – your tax-exempt donations can be made to People and Pet Park Inc., P.O. Box 10045 Honolulu, HI 96816-00045. A second Bark Park is scheduled to open this fall at the Hawaiian Humane Society in Mö‘ili‘ili.
     Driving home, I ask my contented, slobber-coated, panting puppy, "Otis, why do you and your dog pals have so much fun at the park"?
     "We’re so ‘barkin’’ happy to be off of our leashes," he replies. –Ric Valdez
    

Best Alternative to Chocolate Mousse
     Some day when you have a few extra moments to spare and a sweet tooth to feed, drop by the hidden gelato place on Cedar Street, one block makai of the Meadowgold plant. La Gelateria (819 Cedar St.; 591-1133) does mainly wholesale to O‘ahu’s Italian restaurants, but you can access the full range of flavors if you make the trip yourself.
     Maurice, the Torinese proprietor, makes the traditional flavors like gianduia (hazelnut-chocolate), lemon sorbetto and Kona coffee gelato, as well as some flavors Turin has never seen – like kaffir-lime lemongrass (the best), lychee, passion fruit, guava and coconut. On occasion, you will also find seasonal treats like ouzo (a Greek plum brandy known for its deadly side-effects), soursop and cranberry-orange sorbet. The gelato cakes are also worth investigating – either tropical or the Italian bent. –Laurie V. Carlson